Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?

3 years 6 months ago #299308 by Webguy
Webguy replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house.

She knocked on the door and then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?!" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me"

The mother-in-law left.

When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home.

He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress." she whispered sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?

He never heard the gunshot.

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3 years 6 months ago #299313 by RodH
RodH replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?

Webguy wrote: A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."


I thought this topic was for jokes not personal stories? :lol:

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3 years 6 months ago #299320 by Webguy
Webguy replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
LOL

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3 years 6 months ago #299322 by Webguy
Webguy replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
A car gets a flat on the interstate one day. The blond driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic.

The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed up.

It isn’t very long before a police car arrives. The officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blond of the disabled vehicle yelling, ‘What’s going on here?’

‘My car broke down, officer’ says the woman calmly.

‘Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?’ he asks.

‘Helllooooooo!!!!’ says the blond. ‘Those are my emergency flashers!’

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3 years 6 months ago #299323 by Webguy
Webguy replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
Two guys were riding in a car, arguing about how to say the name of the city that they were in. One said “Louieville” and the other “Louiseville.”

They went on arguing and arguing, until they came upon a fast-food restaurant.

The one guy goes inside and says to the waitress, “Tell me the name of the place where I am right now really, really, really slowly.”

The waitress goes, “Bur-ger-King.”

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3 years 6 months ago #299324 by Webguy
Webguy replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
After a long night of making love this guy rolls over and was looking around, when he noticed a framed picture of another man on the night stand by the bed. Naturally, the guy began to worry.

“Is this your husband?” he inquired nervously.

“No, silly,” she replied, snuggling up to him.

“Your boyfriend then?” he asked.

“No, not at all,” she said, nibbling away at his ear.

“Is it your dad or your brother?” he said, hoping to be reassured.

“No, no, no!!!” she said.

“Well, who is he then?” demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, “That's me before the surgery.”

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3 years 6 months ago #299325 by Webguy
Webguy replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
A virile, young Italian gentleman was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom and made love.

After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, “So … You finish?”

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, “No.”

Surprised, the young man reached for her and the lovemaking resumed. This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams of passion.

The love making ends, and again, the young man smiles, and again he asks, “You finish?”

Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, “No.”

Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for the woman again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they climax simultaneously, screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.

The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again, “You finish!?”

Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear, “No! I Norwegian!”

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3 years 6 months ago #299420 by Barjumpa
Barjumpa replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
A husband went to police station to report his missing wife:
Husband : I’ve lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday and has still not come home.
Sergeant : What is her height ?
Husband : I really never noticed.
Sergeant : Build?
Husband : Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant : Colour of eyes?
Husband : Never noticed.
Sergeant : Colour of hair?
Husband : Changes according to season.
Sergeant : What was she wearing?
Husband : Dress/suit/ I don’t remember exactly.
Sergeant : Did she go in a car?
Husband : yes.
Sergeant : What kind of car was it?
Husband : Black Audi A8 with super charged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power with an eight-speed triptonic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door.……………. at this point the husband started crying...
Sergeant : Don't worry sir.......We’ll find your car.

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3 years 6 months ago #299444 by Webguy
Webguy replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
Wife: Can I have $20’000 to get some breast implants to make them bigger.
Husband: Why don’t you just rub toilet paper on your ni**les.
Wife: Does that really work?
Husband: Well it seems to have worked on your ass.

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3 years 6 months ago #299445 by Webguy
Webguy replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
I asked my wife to let me know next time she has an orgazm but she said that she doesn’t like to call me at work.

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3 years 6 months ago #299446 by Webguy
Webguy replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
My clever friend said that onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut in his face.

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3 years 5 months ago - 3 years 5 months ago #299465 by Barjumpa
Barjumpa replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
The "Old Diver Called Peter F"



A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is an older diver in his early seventies name Peter F and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.



The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"



The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.



The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.



The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to Peter and asks, "Can you top that?"



The Peter replies,



"No problem, just get that lion out of there."
Last Edit: 3 years 5 months ago by Barjumpa.

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3 years 5 months ago #299466 by Barjumpa
Barjumpa replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
Vern the Kiwi farmer buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.
After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.
The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant.

The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when
they are pregnant.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.

So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again.
He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.
Try again. he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window.
He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

No, she says, they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn.

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3 years 5 months ago #299477 by Barjumpa
Barjumpa replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
Catholic Hair Dryer.
In parochial school students are taught that lying is a sin.

However, instructors also advised that using a bit of imagination was OK in order to express the truth differently without lying.

Below is a perfect example of those teachings:

Getting a Hairdryer Through Customs.

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'.

'Of course, child. What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?'

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first.

The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said: 'Go ahead, Father'.

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3 years 5 months ago #299510 by Barjumpa
Barjumpa replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"
"No," said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.
She then asked him, "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?"
"Uh... no, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.

She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties... and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill, and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.

"Now," she said, "have you ever seen $150,000 Dollars all crumpled up?"

He said "No!", trying to hide his arousal.

She said ..... "Check the garage.I crashed your Merc"

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3 years 5 months ago #299517 by Barjumpa
Barjumpa replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million. She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.

The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.'

That's when she shot him.

You know, *men just don't know when to keep their mouth shut, especially when drunk.

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3 years 5 months ago #299518 by Barjumpa
Barjumpa replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS
YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?
WELL......YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE!

MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A
NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DENTAL DIPLOMA,WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.

SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY
SECONDARY SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

THIS BALDING, GREY HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS FAR TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY
CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK SECONDARY SCHOOL .

'YES, YES I DID. I'M A MORGANNER! 'HE BEAMED WITH PRIDE.

'WHEN DID YOU LEAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE?' I ASKED

HE ANSWERED, IN 1965. WHY DO YOU ASK?

'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.

THEN THE UGLY,

OLD,

BALD,

WRINKLED,

FAT ARSED,

GREY HAIRED,

DECREPIT,

BASTARD ASKED..

'WHAT SUBJECT DID YOU TEACH

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3 years 5 months ago #299538 by Barjumpa
Barjumpa replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
ONE FOR ALL THE OLD CODGERS!!!!

There was a family gathering, with all generations around the table.
Mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into Grandpa's drink, and
After a while, Grandpa excused himself because he had to go to the
Bathroom. When he returned, however, his trousers are wet all over.

'What happened, Grandpa?' asked by his concerned children.

'Well,' he answered, 'I don't really know. I had to go to the bathroom.
So I took it out and started to pee, but then I saw that it wasn't mine,
So I put it back!'

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3 years 5 months ago #299551 by Barjumpa
Barjumpa replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
A business man got on an elevator.

When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright,
"T-G-I-F"

He smiled at her and replied,
"S-H-I-T"

She looked puzzled and repeated,
"T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered,
"S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly,
"T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again,
"S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.

'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank God, It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"

The man answered,
"S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'."

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3 years 5 months ago #299561 by Barjumpa
Barjumpa replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
Woke up this morning to discover that my budgie, Judas, must have caught his foot in something during the night, and dislocated his knee trying to get it free, poor little bugga. Anyway, I very gently pulled it back into position, then with a couple of Red Head matches I made a little splint and taped it in place.

Well, you should have seen his little face light-up when he took those first few tentative steps. I wish now I’d remembered to take the sandpaper off the floor of his cage

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3 years 5 months ago #299578 by Barjumpa
Barjumpa replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
A man with a completely bald head and only one leg is invited to a Xmas fancy dress party. He doesn't know what to wear
to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note: ~~

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will
be just right as a Pirate. The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.. A week passes and he receives another parcel and note ~~

Dear Sir,

Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part. The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong letter of complaint.. A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.
We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.

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3 years 5 months ago #299580 by Barjumpa
Barjumpa replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his
ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head
and the golfer's ball beside him.

Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over
the little guy, reviving him. 'Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asked.

'I'm afraid I hit you with my golfball,' the golfer says.

'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya
want?'

'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer answers in relief. 'I don't want
anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize.' And the golfer walks
off.

'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself. I have to do something
for him. I'll give him the three things I would want.. a great golf game,
all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.'

A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad
drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here, ' the little guy says. 'I just want
to ask ye, how's yer golf game?'

'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers. I'm an internationally famous
golfer now.' He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're all right.'

'Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And
tell me, how's yer money situation?'
'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states. 'When I need cash, I just
reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn't even know were there!'

'I did that fer ye also.' And tell me, how's yer sex life?'

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly,
'It's OK.'

C'mon, c'mon now,' urged the Leprechaun, 'I'm wanting to know if I did a
good job. How many times week?'

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, 'Once, sometimes
twice a week.'

'What??' responds the Leprechaun in shock. 'That's all? Only once or twice a
week?'

'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a
small parish."

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3 years 5 months ago #299603 by Barjumpa
Barjumpa replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
Paddy & Mick flew to Canada for an adventure.
They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.
They managed to shoot 6. Loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.
The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six.
The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.
The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains even on full power the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.
Miraculously, surrounded by moose bodies, Paddy and Mick survived the crash.
Climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where we are?"
Mick replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

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3 years 4 months ago #299660 by Barjumpa
Barjumpa replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
Distinction between Guts and Balls

To those of you who are nit-pickers about the meaning of words: there is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls, but do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS - is arriving home late, after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask, “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, with lipstick on your collar, and slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say, “You're next, Chubby.”

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome.

Both result in death.

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3 years 4 months ago #299684 by Barjumpa
Barjumpa replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
Getting Married

Jack, age 92, and Gill, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a chemist shop and Jack suggests they go in.

Jack addresses the man behind the counter:
"Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jack: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jack: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds"

Jack: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jack: "How about suppositories?"

Pharmacist: "Yes"

Jack: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer's?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jack: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jack: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"

Pharmacist: "We do..."

Jack: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and walking sticks?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jack: "Adult incontinence pants?"

Pharmacist: "Yes."

Jack: "Then we'd like to use this store for our wedding presents list..."

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3 years 4 months ago #299704 by Barjumpa
Barjumpa replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

Several members did not approve of her extracurricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old ute parked in
front of the town's only pub one afternoon.

She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing!

Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny.
He simply said nothing.

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his ute in front of Mildred's house, walked home...
and left it there all night.

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3 years 4 months ago #299714 by Barjumpa
Barjumpa replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
My wife just asked me if her appendix scar made her look unattractive. Apparently the response of "don't worry babe, your tits cover it" wasn't the answer she was looking for.

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3 years 4 months ago #299715 by Barjumpa
Barjumpa replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
I work with a lot of Irish out here in the Mines.... so to make them feel at home Chef made up an Irish mixed grill !! New potatoes, roast potatoes, boiled potatoes, mashed potatoes, waffles and hash browns with chips.

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3 years 4 months ago #299718 by Barjumpa
Barjumpa replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
Subject: Lawyer's Bad Day
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution.
His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about,

'What time of night to be getting home is this?

Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'.

And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured
himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he
dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang.
The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all.

Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news..

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

He whirled around and screamed,

'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?'

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3 years 4 months ago #299727 by Barjumpa
Barjumpa replied the topic: Barjumpa's Rainy friday funnies.... who has some?
After an alleged visit to the "Pleasure Parlour", Federal Politician Craig Thomson allegedly notices green lumps on his willy. So, off he goes to the doctor.

"That's serious" says the doctor. "You know how wrestlers and rugby union players get cauliflower ears?"

"Yes" says Craig, nodding seriously.

"Well" says the doctor, "You've got brothel sprouts."

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